But I gotta.
Because if I don’t, I might just keep stalling, and stalling, and…OK I think you got the point – and then I’ll just forget about it.
Until one day, I stumbled across a website of WordPress.com, and somehow remember the blog I made a long time ago.
“Eh, whatever.” Then I’ll say, “What’s the point? It’s been so long. I’m not a good writer anyway.”
And then, I quit. Completely. Like I’ve never blogged.
I don’t want to.
A regularly updated website or web page, typically one run by an individual or small group, that is written in an informal or conversational style.
That is the definition, isn’t it?
Nah. That is just one of the excuses I made up to stop myself from…well, stopping.
I want this to continue.
Even if I’m bad at writing.
Even if no one is reading my post.
Even if I have no followers except me. Curiously (or not), there’s an option to follow myself.
Even if there’s a hundred reasons why I should just stop this. Well, I only have two posts before this anyway.
*Knowing you might someday accomplish something with this…
*You are filled with determination.
Heh, sorry. I just keep failing these past years. Try not to be socially awkward? Failed. Trying to get decent grades? Failed instead. Try to play an instrument? Boy, the composers must feel so irritated about listening the distorted version of their masterpiece so many times. That is, if they can listen. Try to blog? Well, you read this, you tell me.
Well, at least I’ve learned some things…I think. I don’t know.
But hey. If you’re still reading, and don’t mind to read more…I’ll let you see for yourself.
22 February 2017
‘are you sure you should be thinking about other things while doing something? like eating your breakfast?‘
‘No one does it?’
‘you do it all the time! haven’t it never occured to you that maybe this is why you don’t notice things?’
‘And keep making mistakes? Probably.’
‘you should stop this. at least pay attention to what you’re doing!‘
‘I don’t actually do that all the time.’
‘Should get ready for school now.’
‘you’re not washing the cup?‘
‘Uh huh, don’t feel like doing it’
‘I should write something on the blog.’
‘really? you just made it two days ago, and in these two days you posted…posts. you don’t even have followers, you don’t have to do that.‘
‘Yeah, but I still want to post something. Those two posts are just like…about posts.’
‘what to write then?‘
‘I haven’t think of anything yet. Anyway, chances are, even if I could think of anything, it’ll probably-Oh.’
“Bye bye mum.”
‘you are not late yet you’re not late yet you are-‘
‘you’re not. the teacher’s not even here yet.’
‘Er, let’s just concentrate on class now.’
‘Ah, school’s over.’
‘still have to stay until five. mum’s gonna teach here today, remember?‘
‘Yeah. Of course.’
‘gotta look after bro too.‘
“I’ll bring him to the canteen.”
“Don’t let him watch the phone for too long, got it”
‘And deal with him being angry at me-Ah.’
‘luck isn’t with mom when it comes to lifts, huh?‘
‘…Thank heavens that the lift-doors know to open when there’s something in the middle of them. Or else…touch wood…I don’t like the concept of it.‘
‘Dang. It’s noisy. And full of people.’
‘why did you bring him here then?‘
‘No choices. I guess.’
‘…right. anyway, about the blog…no ideas.‘
‘I could write about my country. Wait I don’t know much about my country.’
‘well, you can just write your opinion.‘
‘Er…Malaysia, the country of four seasons: sunny, rainy, mosquitoes, and durians… Wait, that doesn’t sound right. A lot of country has four seasons. And…Ugh…That’s just…’
‘so? you thought of something, just write it.‘
‘And watch it end up like most of my homework essays.’
‘this isn’t your homework.’
‘But there are people that might read it! What if they don’t like it? Or think it’s just stupid?’
‘so? why did you created that blog anyway? just to tell yourself oh i made a blog?‘
‘I don’t know, maybe.’
‘It’s always like this… you never say ‘no’ whenever i ask you questions like this. just because you’re scared of suddenly realising that your motives are not so nice. hmph.‘
‘…I hate myself sometimes. Actually, more like I’m very frustrated with myself.’
‘oh look, it’s five.‘
‘…Totally forgot about the phone thing.’
‘are you serious?‘
‘you ate, practice the piano, watched two videos, thought about writing fanfiction, you even washed that cup in the sink along with the dishes, but you still can’t think of anything to write?‘
‘can’t think of anything, or afraid to write it?‘
‘Both, I guess.’
‘again with this. if I ask why did you wash those dishes, you’ll probably tell me: They look tired. Or maybe I just don’t want them to yell at me and call me irresponsible.’
‘Something along those lines.’
‘you know, maybe you shouldn’t have made this blog.’
‘Yeah. Probably. I can’t write. I don’t even have any ideas to tell…Or I have, but it’ll probably just come out the wrong way.’
‘it’s twenty something minutes past midnight. why did you close the tab when mum came in? ‘
‘Don’t want to let her see. Scared.’
‘why are you still in front of the computer?‘
‘I want to write something.‘
‘No reason in particular.‘